aloneintheroom

Brain Babies

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 19:36:01 GMT

In my mind a thought is born
it grows and changes and with
my help and care it learns to
walk and speak; once full grown
though still changing it meets
the minds of others and if it
finds love there it will become
one with the mind and give birth
to new thoughts showing that truly
all follow the cycle of life, even our thoughts themselves. <3

Thank you for helping this thought find love, fostering the offspring of my mind.
:]

Life

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 01:47:29 GMT

So here I am floating in space, 1 among many. I've decided not to live for stuff. but rather people and experiences.
I have the answers to life's big questions. Why are we here, where do we come from, whats the best way to live, how does love work and what is it? I'm so happy to finally understand. Now the rest of my life can begin. Tomorrow is gonna be so much fun, and so is every tomorrow after that.... I'm so happy to be here for the ride.

Physics in bed

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 02:43:44 GMT

I spent my day today studying physics listening to music and taking cat naps.
: ] oh god im happy.
...sometimes i dream of you. <3

The best of both worlds

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:21:08 GMT

The best of both worlds.I enjoy quite a bit of that from time to time.
Now is one of those times.

I feel good in a nice somber way, I hope you do too.
:]

Guess where i wanna take you...

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 01:16:10 GMT

have you ever burst in to laughter and even you dont know why?
or laughed and sneezed at the same time?
or both?

Im still being patient but hopefully it will pay off then i can have some serious fun.

Things happen when they do... no sooner or later ... or i guess you could say every thing has already happened written in stone as it were because things never actually occur - because now isnt now its just then - so there is no now only just then - and nothing thats going to happen ever occurs - becoming what happened without ever fully entering a clear state of happening.

its party tyme i can feel it. <3

smile

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 08:04:13 GMT

I smile tonight knowing that I have memories that warm me to my soul, memories on which I can dwell that show me the shining light that creates life and love and all that make life worth living.

Smile, if only in commemoration of my discovery that such a thing can be grasped by a frail human mind.

smile for me <3

yes, wretch, weep.

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 03:38:58 GMT

"If you give people nothingness, they can ponder what can be achieved from that nothingness."

Writer's Block: Fixing the past.

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 16:56:05 GMT

i think it would have been that i never did my homework. if i could go back id do more homework, like 50% more and i think id be better for it in all honesty.

No Sleep For Teh Wicked

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 16:49:26 GMT

lol no sleep for the wickked ... edit later sleepiness shutting down brai.............................<domain error>..........................................

I feel sensual

Fri, 30 May 2008 06:14:32 GMT

I feel strange right now, VERY strange. I feel as though I might slip through a membrane into another reality in a different universe.
I sure hope not I'm having too much fun.

Damn, whats up, I'm starting to think that when it comes to life theres no wrong way to eat a reese's.

i feel like writing some poetry

i feel you, slide i as i do against your essence
i smell you, my eyes close, exited by your presence
i hear you, exhaling, leaving me breathless
i see you, soothed by your softness
i taste you, nerves blazing like comets
i love you, my heart, it beats fondness

Tool - A Perfect Circle

Thu, 29 May 2008 07:01:38 GMT

When I was in high school in Florida I was the computer tech for the school, I also took computer programing classes.This meant that I spent a lot of time in the computer labs. When this first became a habit of mine, I met another young man that would also spend an unusual amount of time in the labs. As a result we became friends, he was older and knew more about programing than I. I admired him for this, wanting to know more about what kind of person he was caused me to question him about his likes and dislikes. The like that most stood out in my mind turned out to be what band he considered his favorite, Tool. At the time this puzzled me. Then, Tool's music to me wasn't the the easiest "read" if you will. At the time I was expanding my musical horizons for the first time in a long time and among the many new songs, CD's, and artists I had to listen to Tool was overshadowed by my new found interest in Korn. Tools music being deeper in meaning as far as cryptic lyrics were concerned made it harder to connect with emotionally but the sound was amazing if you had the patience to listen to there slightly lengthy songs. I saw this then but only now can truly unfold new and deeper meaning in their lyrics. Truly some people can be tools to be put to use, somehow a part of life's path of a perfect circle. I believe we are the most bless'ed of creatures to walk this small blue planet simply because we have brains, allowing us to truly enjoy the feeling of understanding, knowledge, and progress.

Long time no see

Sun, 25 May 2008 19:17:43 GMT

Wow, its been too long but hey, better late than never right?
If things go well ill have my room back and ill be insane again with renewed hopes and dreams.
Back to not caring about whatever so long as i'm enjoying myself i new that then i knoe that now.
lets see it put my wings back on.

The very dangerous truth

Sat, 19 Nov 2005 21:00:38 GMT

Hi, I'm guessing that would be the proper greeting to use when meeting or acknowledging a new personality you encounter. It is definately is the most widely accepted one, I sometimes find it to fall short of the job that I would like it to do, that job being to say "I mean you no harm, I am giving you the respect that I believe an independant being deserves, if you are willing, I propose that equal liking and friendship are possible."

So...Hi^_^.

My name is James -blank- . I was born James -blank-, but as you can see quite clearly that has changed. I am not sure that this matters to you in any way at all but as I have observed it, this change has served to make me less loyal to my name and more tolerent to change within myself.

Metaphoricly speaking

One thing I have noticed about myself is that the ablity to adapt to changing situations is a strong part of my personality, and that's something I like about myself. I have seen and endured many things during my seemingly pointless life and out of the endless mess that litters the path that has lead me to this point in my life I have collected bits and pieces of the things that I like and have tried to make them part of myself. I am a container. Physicly that container is the face, torso, and limbs you see when I am viewed by an individual. Mentaly I think of myself as a house the the out side of which is my body and outer appearance but within are an innumeral amount of interconnected rooms. contained in these rooms are the bits and pieces that I have collected, organized in a way that makes me the most comfortable. Residing within this house is a faceless shapeless entity -not a soul- I say this because as it feels, this thing within me is only an embodyment of the emotion I feel whose essence fills the house entirely.

So here I am within my house collecting and sorting but not as efficent as a computer, things get messy and this leads to confusion and helplessness.Though sometimes the mess makes life seem more fun, never focusing on any one thing and enjoying all the things that make me who I am . But now to the Dangerous part.

I have no conscience.
Some people say this and mean "I've experienced enough in life that whatever situation arises I feel prepared to deal with the result of my actions and am not regretful or laiden with guilt for anything I do."
I say this and mean I can tell the difference between a gain and a loss is for my given situation,(ie. monetary,oppertunities,social advancement etc.);but I lack the ablity to differenciate between right and wrong. Over the years I have gain the knowlegde of what is percived as right and wrong by certain people in certain situations but that is the extent of my ablity to seperate right from profitable. I believe it is a question of moral, or in my case lack there of, immoral, moral, what ever floats your boat as long as it doesn't sink mine. Though I see great purpose in haveing morals present in society they serve to attempt a balance. I don't mind them, some people have less, some people have more, some people are bound by them their entire lives, while others are free of them all together, namely me.
The issue of truth
What is true, what is "the truth"? Everything, nothing the lint ball in between the two and everything else. The truth is subjective, varying greatly between one person to the next what is true to me most likely isn't true to you. If it is then we have something in common and we can make the foundation for a relationship, strong or weak, simple or complex. The people you get along with are the people with which you share a common truth. "The band so-and-so rocks" I agree ... "Hey, wanna get some chinese?" ... yeah I was just thinking that. Ever start a friendship like that? To me the process seems fragile, but I love it, it works so well. These are the people you get along with best, perhaps the best friend you have agrees with you on a bunch of trivial things and some fundamentals like believing in god, or believing in the fact god sucks, or was never there to have sucked in the first place. Sometimes the friends you have don't agree with your fundamentals but you stay friends for the sake of experience you've known them forever and you trust each other whether or not you believe each other to be correct; trust is an important thing and is fragile and hard to come by in large quantites.
Me and truth have issues. Every time a situation like trying to make a friend or tring to remain on good terms with someone arises my brain has a board meeting on what to profess as the truth for that moment. I have noticed that whether or not you know or understand what someone is tring to convey to you, as long you agree with confidence they believe you to be a nice and understanding person. When you do things like this often you become known to different people as different people. Some people think I believe in god some think I worship satan. Some believe me to be introverted while others say I talk too much. While being a person such as this you come upon questions like ...
Who is the real me?
Is it wrong to be this type of person because some people would consider it living lies?
What are the pros and cons of being this type of person?
To me I am all and none I have a personality that behaves like a cameleon changing depending on the social setting but as the "real me" I am a curious person that likes to be different because to me it makes things a bit more interesting, I think that we're all different people behind closed doors and for me it has made it harder to connect with people. If people wore their hearts on there selves than it would be easier to determine who your most like.
As for it being right or wrong I couldn't tell you it's just the person I'm most comfortable being maybe I'm evil because I lie to people, maybe I'm a real nice guy because I try to get along with everyone; its up to the person thinking of the prospect of spending time with me.
A pro to being me is I'm comfortable almost everywhere I am, because I can be like water filling a form. A con would be thats it's hard for people to understand me because I fear that them knowing all my opinions and beliefs would damage the relationship and its difficult for people to trust what they don't understand.

just got home

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 08:24:59 GMT

M.S.I. Rocks!!!!
just got home from an msi concert at the valt and it was awwwwsome beond all comprehention. i got all the money and more that i paid for the concert back (found a wallet) i got like six different things autographed incuding the ticket my contact cleaner bottle,and my arm.it was hilarious i helped pull the singer in to the audience got a piece of his shirt (three pices actually) bottles thrown off stage a cd player and a cool zippo lighter (ohhh yeah!!!) the funnyest part was that when i had my hand out to get suff signed the guy actually made out wih my hand sort of (more like vigerously licked) afterward me and some friends went to see stefan at 7-11 cause he works there now (graveyard shift) im gonna give a friend that would probly never get to see them in concert because bone disease makes him very frail a bunch of stuff because hes a big fan and a good friend well i think im gonna up date more often ....... ill actually try ......for once

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 20:49:07 GMT

yes i havee returned and such i have been doing some reconsrucktion of the room and the mind and have not recovered frome the mental scaring from all that rearangeing but for somereason or another i know how to speak signlanguage now and am learning juggle better really pissed i couldnt go to expo this year but next year ill be a sr and im going all out all year and for expo ill definately be cosplaying and ill even stay in character the whole time but to make my bitterness less i went to sixflags n had a kick ass time and went on the bunge thing and have a vid and pictures and a lizzard
OOOHHH yeah... lance is comming this week and all shall be kickass cause we are gonna pary and rock and throw rocks at partys and im ridiculously stoked at the state of my room i am comming to a strange piont in my life where every thing i once wanted has become within reach if not already griped by my claspeing hand n im not lonely no mere ive finally found myself my nny collection is growing aswell and one of the most important things so far i have a fucking gutar and it is in ranks with the kickassedness as first and fourmost still waiting for more computer parts though but thats a plausibly possible probibility found some childhood favriot books "in a dark dark room" and "pigs a plenty pigs galore" aww the small sweet slivers of moments of "good" childhood mems ahhhhhh meow meow meow i came i saw i took a nap on it

enjoying it while it lasts,
~~James~~

Fri, 06 May 2005 10:42:03 GMT

im moveing and ill get a real room not a hole in the wall shit box like this one i have a case person now and if im lucky ill get my own place(and it wont fall through this time) n itll be free and shit so ill be living lovingly and the only problem ill have to face will be lonelyness; sadness is comforting and people equal shit nny way so w/e.if things dont go right ill just go to this morman chuch full time and blow up the world, im concerned with someones well being for once... well two people both of witch are getting sugery one on there back this summer and the other on the leg on the 10th i hope hotrods gonna be ok and my other friend patrick his surgery on the 10th will be strange he has a rare bone disease that causes him to be frail and makes his bones look like swiss cheez he cant walk untill post sugery out of fear of breaking his leg in half -again- (when he was 10 he was running and "snap" then he passed out from pain)"they call him mr.glass" so i wheel him from class to class but i dont mind he a cool guy and it gets me out of class early
other than that ill actally be busy for the next week its almost like i have a life , its freaking me out...
i have to clean my shitbox i almost cant turn around
continued search for close comrodery to no avail

the constant variable and all that crap....

~~James~~

sorrow

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 05:28:44 GMT

ALRIGHT LIVEJOURNAL FRIENDS IM KILLING MYSELF NOW! PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS TELLING ME NOT TO! SEE YOU TOMORROW FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF "IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF "

mu-ha-he-ha-he-her

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 07:01:34 GMT

meeting new people mending old tears healing old wounds n killing old people

(but only the ones that arnt cool)

hey i made a new name/word SATANICLAWSE

poetic justice-treding the path back to true happiness

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 07:59:42 GMT

this feeling has remnince of "my me":
warning this makes sence to me and is the best kind of venting i have right now
if u dont have paitince right now go away cause even if you did
understand what i mean by this youd probly be pissed anyway
"J'aime tuer enfants"..
i love...
anyway here i go...

you fucking happy people blowing kisses to arcade games
pointing your fingers at each others heads
staring happily into the camera unaware of my eventual presents
you,useing the bits of technology i have craved for so long
how do i knoe why do i knoe ;whos that black guy in the background
whos that standing next to the gurrila with the ganster-rap gold on ...my munky
mocking the web-master....my munky
suprized at the the bluness of the man w/ no arms...my munky
its kind of funny remembering you once depressed,
i wouldnt have belived youd look so happy in a blue kimono
why did you change you looked so godly beautiful before
though i dont love you any less now
i laugh out loud as i look at the back of your head and see the cookie in your hand
touch his face leting the world knoe how much you yearn for the unreal
arms filled with the things that will befriend you when no one else will
and comfort you when no one else can
and how beautiful she/you look holding the light standing in the bathroom
lol holding it in your mouth like the dog you sometimes make yourself out to be
hottness holding a hot cupp
laughing back to your reflection waiting with exitement
beef jerky in your mouth nonconsiderate of traffic
licking the silver haired man dog so at peace you are
zobified adolecence walk among the living telling you thir tails of boredom
people holding you back from your self
feeling anger insomnia takes its toll
so easy for your thoughts to mold into replications
you're in such a vulnerable state
- in short no one can feel like i can or walk the path that ive only seen
test your srength and skills aginst my mind and body
then witness as all your hopes and dreams 'or lack there of' collapse to the ground.

*as im smileing loudly all the while*

death-dispare-and cookies,
not really your friend,
-Abbass- (James)

once again

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 08:58:09 GMT

so one again children things have turned out as they always have fantasticly shitty... though the good things or things that are still good (like the milk in my refridgerator) are suffitient in there good qualitys that they are definately holding there own in takeing focus off of the shitty stuff which is always good... that and im swirling in a pool of infinate misinterpetation and confusion and am unsure what to do with my daily life since events occuered that skeuwed my vision of social progresstion and other future planing .....but as any self-respecting idiot knows this to be true. (can you taste the confusion?)

P.S.....what the hell was up with crono crusade does the manga make more sence because its a slower intake of the story or does it not matter?
such a rediculous setting and character development!

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 08:49:59 GMT

yaaay i have a desk! and cubby holes!
my walls will soon be not visible

look closely (can you feel me donloading your brain yet?)

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 06:02:19 GMT

POOOOH IM SOOO ALONE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! GASP!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO ANNOY U ALL WITH THE INFINITE NUMBER PATTERS OF MIND CONTROL!!!! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3.
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oh yes i am fucking evil..fear me..
*INSERT SINISTER LAUGH HERE*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

insomnia sometimes brings comfort

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 10:06:51 GMT

me and my mom had another argument, its like she wants us to get kicked out always complaining and bickering i just wish she would leave me alone. i stoped trying to be nice this time and i cant handle what shes asking of me i said that i didnt care and she cant make me do anything and its up to me to suceed or fuck up my life. and if she still wont leave me alone ill just get imancipated. after i said that, she told me i didnt love her and if i did i would do whst i need to do and i just said that i do whats good for me For me, and no one else. i know i love her but i promised my self i wouldnt be anyones yes man ever again, not even hers. she continued with how i need to know my place as a son i would just do what needs to be done and be steadfast.i sort of told her that if she was anything of a mother we wouldnt be in this situation in the first place,thats when she asked me for the hand book on how to be a mom.i told her again that its up to me to do what i need to do and that she craves atention and i just want to be left alone.she said that she would take the hinges off the door if thats what it took i told her not to push me over the edge she said i was pushing her over the edge and that im hurting her i told her no,if i wanted to hurt her she would have been hurt a long time ago.she started to say something else but i said i didnt care she said yeah you never care i was so angry and confused i just started laughing i dont know why i walked out of the room then. she called me back but i didnt say anything i just kept walking.
i dont know does not wanting to have to do with anyone in my family make me a bad person? i guess i just dont trust her she fucked up my life once and i dont want to give her the chance to do it again.
i dont kow what to do im cunfuzzled its 2:02am i cant sleep and i have home work to do.